College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
