Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
