some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
