Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
