I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
