I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
