I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
