The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
