Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
