You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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