So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
