bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
