It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I supernannyed him into submission
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
