Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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