They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
