Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
