um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
