So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
