I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
