Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
