but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
