Your tits are I can't wait for
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
