We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
