just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
