Old men and throwing up are my life now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
