Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
