Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
