Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
