I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
