He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
