I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
