8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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