yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
