Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
