i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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