im about as happy as oj after his trial
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
