He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
