so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
