my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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