My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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