It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
