oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
