Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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