peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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