i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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