The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
