Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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