How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
