she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
