I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
