Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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