I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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