I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
