Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Barsexuality is the new black.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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