i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
