remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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