he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
