Well douche your snatch and let's go!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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